


Living? Without You

by Telvia



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 10:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10242149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telvia/pseuds/Telvia
Summary: Leo is trying to learn to cope with his loss ...





	

Surely he was dreaming. Or was he dying? At the very least this had to be a nightmare, the worst his subconscious could ever fathom. He had just lost his soul mate, the love of his life. Leo could feel part of his soul simply fade into the background, vanishing so easily along with his lover as if that part of himself had only existed to be with Hakyeon. It disintegrated so easily yet left behind so much pain and torment. What was he supposed to do with himself now? Carry on with his day to day life and put on a happy face for those around him? No. He couldn't do it, didn't have the strength. Leo could barely breathe let alone try to function and carry out regular motor skills. Breathe in …. hold it … release. Why was it so hard? Besides, Leo had a puppy to take care of. One that he and Hakyeon had adopted from the shelter together. That would be the only being, human or otherwise, that he would try to be happy for.

 

Leo lay in their bed … his bed … staring up at the ceiling as his heart ached in his chest. Did he have to wake up? He'd been having such a good dream. Then he had to wake up to this. Reality.

“Another morning,” he whispered to himself, throat raspy from sleep coupled with the strain of crying himself to sleep for yet another night. “One day at a time ...”

It took a few more minutes to coax himself out of bed, but he had finally managed it. If it weren't for his puppy, he'd stay in bed all day every day for the rest of his life.

He raked a hand through his unruly dark bedhead as he searched for Cinnamon, wondering where he was hiding this morning. When he found where the small ball of fluff was, his heart sank in his chest. Tears sprang to his eyes when he heard the soft whimpers. Cinnamon was sitting in front of the apartment door, using one paw to claw at it as he looked up at the handle expectantly. As if Hakyeon was just one moment from opening it and joining the small pup on the floor to kiss, cuddle and play.

“I miss him too,” Leo gushed, sinking to his knees to gather the small animal in his arms. “He's not coming back, I'm so sorry.”

_And it's all your fault_

The male winced at his own thought, closing his eyes and allowing Cinnamon to lick at his face. Leo wasn't sure if he was crying again but even if he were, Cinnamon was licking his tears away.

 

 

The days dragged on and turned into weeks. Leo tried to get out of their … his … apartment to get as much fresh air as possible. But … every time he took Cinnamon out for a walk, they would end up at the park where Hakyeon and Leo had first met. Leo would sit at his usual bench and mindlessly throw a tennis ball for Cinnamon to chase and bring back, getting lost in his memories of Hakyeon. It always started with the memories of when they first met.

Leo frequented the park a lot, would come every day to do his work. He was a songwriter and being out in nature without really contributing to anything always helped him pound out his lyrics more quickly. It was so much better then being cooped up in his small apartment by himself and just staring at a wall while trying to crank out lines. Apparently Hakyeon had seen him a few times and had grown curious, eventually coming over to introduce himself and get to know Leo. Hakyeon would ask questions of Leo and would only get one word answers in reply, but that didn't stop the older male from continuing to try, if anything it almost seemed to fuel his fire even more. They would play question games, with Hakyeon asking all of the questions, while Leo worked on his songs. Hakyeon would beg and whine for Leo to answer his questions with at least three words rather than one and would always point it out to Leo when he slipped up after agreeing to his terms.

_Taekwoooon~ You're not using your words_

They played truth or dare but only because Hakyeon promised he wouldn't dare Leo to do anything that would require him to move off his bench, which really limited the dares. Leo got busted early on for only picking truth. That was the first time Hakyeon had seen Leo smile.

_You should smile more. It's really charming._

This spanned for days, maybe even a couple weeks until it was a habit and Leo found himself looking forward to seeing Hakyeon. He would dress nicer and even put on a small dab of cologne, wondering what questions Hakyeon would have for him that day. He always came up with some really weird ones.

_What's your favorite planet? You can't choose Uranus, Earth or Pluto~_

_And why can't I?_

_You live on Earth so you're already biased. Pluto is no longer a planet. And Uranus is always the butt of the joke!_

Before he knew it, they were taking walks in the park rather than just sitting on the bench. Walks turned into lunch dates which turned into dinner dates. Hakyeon had weaseled his way into Leo's life so smoothly and easily, as if he had always belonged there and they were merely doing what came natural by being together. After reliving their first meetings and the beginning of their relationship, his mind would always drift to all the fond, heartwarming memories he kept locked away, only bringing them out when he needed to feel good about life, which was quite frequently as of late.

When they finally became an official couple...

_Taekwoon … you're mine, right?_

_Mhm~_

_And I'm yours?_

_Yes~_

_When did that happen?_

_It's always been like that~_

So easy. Short and sweet. Neither of them really knew who had asked the other and it really didn't matter as long as they were together.

Shortly after that, they moved in together. They found a new apartment and packed up all of their belongings, spending the next couple days unpacking and simply spending time together. They shared cute and romantic dates, going to the zoo or amusement park so Leo could try and win all the stuffed animals for Hakyeon who demanded he wanted the stuffed dino or whatever that other furry thing was. Leo wasn't sure. He just knew that his boyfriend wanted the stuffed animal so he would get him the stuffed animal. They went to the beach so Hakyeon could bury Leo in the sand, grinning when he tried to turn the younger into a mermaid, being sure to take photos so he had proof of his masterpiece.

_I'm framing this and we're putting it in the living room~!_

The memory that always got him, the one he always saved for last, was the first time they made love. It wasn't sex, was nowhere near it. This was the act of love making. It was slow, sensual and sweet. They were so comfortable with each other that they were both able to laugh and giggle when their bodies slid together in just the right way that made inappropriate farting noises. Not sexy at all but they were able to find humor in it together. It had been perfect.

They had lived in that apartment for several months before they both decided that they wanted a pet, a dog of course. A cute little puppy that they could love and spoil together. Leo and Hakyeon agreed to adopt one from a shelter so they had piled into their car and drove around until they found the perfect match. It was Hakyeon that had found Cinnamon. Leo was surprised at Hakyeon's behavior when his eyes first landed on the small animal. Where Hakyeon was usually energetic and smiling nonstop and bouncing off the walls, he was timid when he found the puppy. He almost seemed scared that the puppy wouldn't like him or that he would scare the small creature as if he wasn't good enough for the dog in question.

_I want that one_ He had whispered, barely pointing into the kennel as Cinnamon looked up at the both of them curiously.

_Then let's get that one_

_What if he doesn't like me?_

_Try to pet him and find out_

_What if I scare him?_

_You won't scare him, Yeon. He'll love you just like I do. How could he not?_

Hakyeon had nodded slowly before approaching the kennel, slowly sinking down to his knees and offering his hand to the pup for him to sniff. Not ten minutes later found Hakyeon grinning brightly once more with the pup in his arms, being hugged to his chest as they walked back to their car. And so they had their first child.

But then his mind would always turn against him after that and would poison his thoughts with the bad times. Pointless fighting and bickering. Accidental forgetting of anniversaries or plans they had agreed on.

_You promised you would meet me there!_

_I'm sorry, okay? I got caught up with work_

_You're_ _**always** _ _caught up in work lately. You hardly talk to me anymore let alone cuddle me!_

_I still love you, I'm just busy …_

Most fights easily died down and were for the most part forgotten, especially when it was over minor things that didn't really matter. But one bad memory of a fight or disagreement was bad enough to replace all the good feelings from the happy ones. When it got to that point, he would mentally shut everything down, not thinking at all so he ultimately wouldn't have to feel. Leo couldn't live through the pain and he didn't want to try to do so while sitting in a public park.

“Come, Cinn. Let's get some food.”

 

Leo would always go to their favorite restaurants to eat because it had gotten to the point where he didn't want to stay at the apartment. Instead of ordering his usual, like he would if Hakyeon were sitting right across from him, he found himself asking for his lover's favorite dishes, even if they included foods he didn't care for. He was still in the grieving process and eating Hakyeon's favorite foods was a way to remember him without having to pay too much attention. Wait … was that a tomato?

_Tomatoes are good for you, Taek~_

Gross.

 

 

Every centimeter of this apartment reminded him of Hakyeon. That stain on the carpet where his boyfriend had accidentally spilled juice and had rearranged all the furniture, claiming that he was trying his hand at feng shui. It had been so cute that Leo didn't mind the stain when he had found out. That ugly painting that Hakyeon had bought and hung in the hallway. Leo still didn't have the heart to take it down even if he thought it was just as ugly as the first day he had seen it. The whole place still smelled like Hakyeon but it was probably due to the fact that Leo was still using the same kind of laundry detergent that the older had switched them over to.

He didn't have the heart to change anything but he didn't have the strength to stay in and face it all day either. Coming back home at night was already hard enough, even if it was just to sleep. His anxiety grew higher at night and he fell victim to panic attacks. It was so hard to go from having someone to cuddle at night to having nothing. Even with Cinnamon there, trying to be a puppy body pillow. It just wasn't the same.

  

 

How much time had gone by? How many months had it been? Long enough for Leo to have lost weight even if he had been eating out for most of his meals. Hakyeon had done all the cooking when they stayed in. He had also acquired some pretty impressive dark circles around his eyes but he knew it could be a lot worse. At least he didn't look like a skeleton, having lost most of the weight in his torso and stomach. He still had color in his cheeks since he was outside almost all day every day with Cinnamon. His work had been lacking but he figured he was allowed a reprieve. The apartment was still tidy because he kept busy when he decided to stay in. He couldn't just sit on the couch and let the walls close in around him. He needed to be moving, doing laundry and cleaning, anything. Anything.

  

 

It was a day just like any other. Leo had taken Cinnamon to the park so the dog could run around and tucker himself out. At least one of them deserved to sleep well at night. He had just thrown the Frisbee when he felt it, the hairs on the back of his neck sticking up. Leo straightened his spine and gazed about the park with slightly narrowed eyes, his heart thundering in his chest for reasons he didn't know. His eyes shot open wide when they landed on _him_.

“Yeon ...”

“You look like shit, Taek.”

Those words were music to his ears. His heart swelled in his chest, feeling as if it were trying to burst out of his ribcage to cling to the man in front of him. His whole body felt lighter and he was pretty sure he couldn't feel the tips of his fingers. Leo had the sudden fear that he would pass out. The tip of his nose began to tingle and he could feel wetness forming at the corners of his eyes but he tried to hold it back.

God he had missed the other so much. His voice, the sound of his laugh. His bright smile that lit up an entire room. The way his cheekbones popped when he smiled. Those warm chocolate brown eyes. Leo missed his lips. And not just for kissing purposes. They were just so full and beautiful, he loved the way they felt under his fingertips almost as much as how they felt against his own lips. Almost.

“What are you doing here?” he forced out, surprised he was able to easily mask how elated he was to see the other.

Hakyeon opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by a bark before being knocked over onto his butt by an overly excited Cinnamon. Leo had to agree that the dog had the right idea. It should have been himself that had tackled the other over, but their dog had beat hm to it. He watched as Hakyeon chuckled and scratched at the dog's ears, leaning in to the wet kisses to his face.

“I came to make sure you were taking good care of our son, of course,” Hakyeon replied a bit defiantly with squared shoulders, giving the impression that it wasn't the only reason. And Leo was pretty sure he could see a faint blush over the bridge of his hyung's nose.

“How did you know we would be here?”

“Leo.” He could practically hear Hakyeon roll his eyes. “If you weren't wallowing in self pity these past several months, beating yourself up and actually _looked around_ when you came to the park or went to our favorite places, you would have seen me _ages_ ago!”

Leo blinked as Hakyeon pulled himself to his feet, still petting the top of Cinnamon's head. Wait. Hakyeon had been watching him from afar? Following him? Possibly … checking in on him and missing him too?

“Yeon … I'm … you know ...” He stopped when Hakyeon lifted a hand at him, shaking his head. Words were no good. Not after everything that had happened.

Leo couldn't stop himself. There Hakyeon was, right in front of him like nothing had happened. He just found out that the other male had pretty much been stalking him ever since their huge fight and assumed break up. A big smile broke his features and he strode forward, cupping Hakyeon's face in his warm hands. He felt Hakyeon's hands grasp his elbows, heard his hyung's soft gasp of surprise and he searched the other male's eyes for a moment before closing the distance between their lips. Leo poured his entire heart and newly healed soul into the kiss, tipping his head to the side to deepen it even more. Hakyeon's small moan of approval just urged him on more and he swiped his tongue along his hyung's lower lip. He wasn't sure how long the kiss had lasted but he didn't pull away until they were both panting for air, Hakyeon with a dazed look on his face as he blinked slowly, a small flush gracing his cheekbones.

“Yeon ...” Leo tried again in his usual soft voice.

“I know … I'm sorry too.”

“I really am.”

“Don't ever do it again,” Hakyeon demanded firmly. Clearly he had snapped out of his daze and was thinking properly once more.

“I promise I won't. I swear it. Just let me prove it to you,” Leo whispered in an urgent rush, his thumbs brushing over Hakyeon's pink cheekbones as he looked at his hyung desperately.

“Good. You have the rest of your life to make it up to me.”


End file.
